Forgive and Forget

 

Some of you have probably heard this story before. It’s one of my favorites to tell about the clear wonder-working power of God in my own life. It’s partially a story about forgiveness, but it’s mostly a story of what God did to wipe the slate (my heart) clean.

Not long after Gavin and I were married we moved to Dallas, Texas. He was attending Dallas Theological Seminary and I was working as a nanny while looking for a job as a teacher. We knew only a couple of people there, so it was a season of loneliness for me, but I started getting plugged into a seminary wives group. Gavin was getting connected to people at his job: working part-time as the junior high leader at Fellowship Church, Dallas. 

A few things to know from my background as we head further into this story are that my Dad suffered from Paranoid Personality Disorder. I am an only child and as I entered this new life, newly married in a new place, I was dealing with a lot of anger toward hurts I had faced from my dad growing up.

 This anger and bitterness was something I ruminated on. I could go through the list of things he had done or said that were unreasonable and confusing and painful and feel the anger justify itself. I avoided phone calls with him and brushed him off often if he and my mom visited. Dwelling on these things from my past was majorly shaping my present relationship and life.

So, God began putting the topic of forgiveness EVERYWHERE in front of me. I got together with a lady from my seminary wives group and out of the blue she began talking to me about a time she had to work through forgiveness toward someone. I remember thinking, “But this is different. She doesn’t understand. I don’t want to.” Our pastor at church began a series on forgiveness. I tried to casually apply it to my future life, while ignoring the current, deep need of it.

Then I read Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand. It is hard to ignore the power of forgiveness in that true story. In fact, forgiveness feels unfair and certainly undeserved after the abuse, horror and trauma Louis Zamperini went through in a Japanese POW camp and beyond.

But really, it isn’t until we realize the state of our own hearts and lives and their messy helpless need for rescue that forgiveness rings truest. God continued to gently but obviously put my need for peace in front of my face. He called me to the action of forgiving so that my own heart and life would find freedom. Over and over I said, “No! I don’t want to. It feels good to hold onto this. I like being angry.” Over and over he responded, “Forgive. This is right. This is good. This is powerful.”

So one random day, I finally listened. I decided to stay home one Sunday morning and spend time alone with my Father. I had a tiny walk-in closet that I took a journal and pen in with me. I set an alarm on my phone and left it outside the closet so that I wouldn’t be distracted, focusing on the time.

In that time alone, I walked through my whole list of hurts. Things that I would never be asked for forgiveness for. Things I had held on to for years. Things that felt seared into my mind. I handed each one separately to God and asked Him to carry them for me. To keep them from me and then asked Him to help me forgive as He has always forgiven me. 

The second I finished and said, “Amen” my phone alarm went off.

And it felt like God was saying, “You’re done. I’ve got it now.”

And He did. While reasons to forgive others will always come up in our lives and the act of forgiving is often cyclical, in that one morning, God had wiped clean the bitterness that had built up over a long time. Today I could not tell you what had been on my list of hurts. Those things that had felt so permanent in my mind, through the power of God, are now no longer taking up any brain cells. I can attest that in my own strength, none of that would have been possible. I can also attest that I am thankful God prompted me to do what felt hard because now I am able to live in the freedom and peace he promises.

I did not want to obey. I wanted to keep a tight fist around the anger that felt justified. That’s a realistic picture of my heart. But as Jesus rescues me from that fallen heart through his death, burial and resurrection, so too has He offered good things for our lives when we follow His example.

I felt that prompting and ignored it for a while. Maybe this is a prompting for you. Is there someone you need to forgive? They may never realize how they have hurt you. They might not ever ask you for forgiveness. But our God is big enough to carry that hurt for you and away from you if you’ll walk in obedience to Him. Forgive, friend.

--Sandy Gromacki