Belonging. Everyone wants it. Everyone needs it. Children and teens break rules to fit in with their friends – even rules with serious consequences. Adults participate in the usage of drugs, alcohol, gossip, slander, and other bad habits to be accepted by others.
I know a young man who is obsessed with his social life at the expense of other important parts of life like school, work, and chores. But it’s understandable, because he has had a lot of rejection in his life, and he’s trying to fill that hole in his heart with friends. Sadly, friends keep letting him down. They were not made to carry the burden he places on them. They are busy with their own responsibilities and relationships. He gets offended when people do not think of him and check on him when he is absent. He feels let down when people forget to speak to him at a social gathering or when passing on the street. Human beings are good at making other people feel like they don’t belong, intentionally or unintentionally, and it hurts deeply.
Some people refuse to believe they are accepted even when they are. People might reject others out of their own insecurities as a self-defense mechanism. Someone has hurt them in the past, so it’s easier to block people out. It’s complicated, isn’t it?
We cannot, of course, control what other people do. We can hone our own social skills, but we might still be rejected or forgotten.
What does God say about all of this?
He wants us to love one another, overlook faults, extend grace, and get along. It grieves Him when we don’t. The Apostle Paul has written extensively on this. Only in the power of the Holy Spirit! It’s hard!
These things I know: God loves you and me. He paid a high price for us, and we belong to Him. He promises to never leave us. People might leave, but God doesn’t. We belong because He said so. We come from a place of abundance. There’s room for all of us and all of our gifts and abilities. He has a plan for my life and for yours, and He has placed us where He wants us to be. We can celebrate the successes of others, because it doesn’t subtract anything from us. And what about those difficult people who want to hurt us by excluding us? God can deal with them in His own way.
We love to feel valued by others, but our value is not dependent on them noticing us or giving us accolades. We are secure in the love of the Almighty, even when we sit alone.
joyce hague
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