Middle school is an awkward time of life no matter what, but it was a pretty hard time for me. When I was going into 7th grade, we left a fairly legalistic church and came to Grace after visiting many local churches. I remember grappling with a new understanding of what living as a Christian looked like and being overwhelmed with the newness of the music. I was familiar with the hymns, but most of what we sang in youth group was completely new to me. Because I didn’t know those songs, I had to pay close attention to the words, and they spoke to my heart in a deeply meaningful way.
But I struggled with connecting with my peers. There were few girls my age who attended regularly, and most of the youth group saw each other at school during the week while I was homeschooled. While I was growing significantly in my spiritual life, I felt so alone.
I don’t remember which summer it was, but the youth group traveled up to Michigan for summer camp at Lake Ann. It was a fun week, but there was one slot on the schedule that I dreaded all week. On our last morning, two hours were set aside to be alone with God. Even though I was an avid reader, it seemed like such a long time with just my Bible and nothing else planned. I definitely had a bad attitude about it.
Our cabin went out to a grassy spot, and we all spread out. I sat down and began flipping through my Bible with no clue what to read and little hope that this wouldn’t be the most boring part of the week. I landed on Psalm 139, and my throat caught as I read the exact words I needed in that moment:
“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you” (Psalm 139:1-12 NIV).
In my loneliness, it was such a comfort to read that there was Someone who knew me deeply, including all the overwhelming and confusing emotions—to recognize that God is there and that I can lean into Him at any time. Though I still struggled with making connections through my middle and high school years, that moment was pivotal in my spiritual journey. I began to find comfort in turning to God instead of wallowing in self-pity.
Connection with other people is important. We were created as relational beings, and the church was designed to be a community of Jesus-followers who support one another. But we all experience times in our lives when we feel alone. We may be physically separated from others, but more often than not (at least for me), we feel alone because we withdraw from others when under stress. We may think that no one feels the same way we do, or we may think that we would be unnecessarily burdening others by reaching out.
As a confused middle-schooler, I did not know how to reach out to others, and in that time of loneliness, God provided comfort by telling me that He knew me intimately. I eventually made connections with other people, and I am incredibly thankful for this church community. If you are feeling lonely, I encourage you to first recognize that there is Someone who knows every part of you and loves you deeply. No matter where you are physically, emotionally, or spiritually, God is there. But second of all, I encourage you to reach out. You are a relational being, and you need others. You might be surprised that many others do feel the same way and that people are ready and willing to be there for you.
--Concetta Swann
No comments:
Post a Comment