The Lessons I’m Learning in the Midst of my Husband’s Cancer

We all know that one phone call can dramatically change a day, upcoming months, or one’s entire life. For me, one of those phone calls came when on May 7^th, my husband called to tell me that his doctor wanted him to come into the office because something unusual had showed up on his CT scan. Kelly had been experiencing severe stomach pain in two different days-long bouts over the previous month. Prior to seeing the scan, the doctor believed it was some form of colitis and he was going to send Kelly the results of the scan on-line. So, the fact he was now calling and telling Kelly to come in was not a good sign. Riddled with fear, I got on my knees and begged God that it would not be anything life-threatening. I turned to Psalm 139 because of the promise I knew I would see there of God’s sovereignty over our very lives.

The devastating news we received that day was that there was a mass on Kelly’s stomach; the doctor said it was serious. We were told not to look up stomach cancer on-line; I knew enough to know that, humanly speaking, the prognosis is not good. That evening and night were the hardest in my life with thoughts and fears of the future crowding in. Kelly was scheduled for an upper endoscopy the very next day that would hopefully give us more information. That morning before we left for the hospital, I begged the Lord for some word of hope as a result of the biopsy we were about to receive. God was so gracious in answering my prayer: It was not stomach cancer but a different type of cancer in the stomach muscle rather than in the gland itself. This cancer, though still malignant, is not as aggressive as stomach cancer. More great news followed in that the doctor believed the tumor could be completely removed. I know the biopsy could have revealed different results, and that that would not change the fact that God is good, but oh, how thankful I am, that this is the path we’re walking and not the other!

I want to share three big lessons I have learned so far as a result of this experience. Kelly and I have talked several times about our desire to not let this journey be wasted in our lives. We want to learn what God has for us and be changed to be more like His Son as a result of going through it. Maybe these three things will challenge or encourage you as well.

1. Trusting God’s Sovereignty is imperative in hard times.

               This was something I said to Kelly just hours after the news that he had a mass on his stomach: “If we don’t have God’s Sovereignty, we don’t have anything.” In that moment, I was grief-stricken and fearing a future without my husband, and I knew that the only thing that could sustain me was believing that IF such a thing happened, God would be sovereign over it and have a good reason for it. Partly due to this experience and also due to my proneness in general to worry, I have started Jerry Bridges’ book Trusting God which shows from Scripture God’s sovereignty over circumstances, people, and simply every detail of our lives. The time to ground ourselves in the knowledge that God is in control of all things, and that in the midst of that He is all-loving and wise, is perhaps not in the storms of life but in the times of calm. Then, when the storms do hit, we have the Scripture and truths hidden in our hearts to fight the lies that inevitably come when we face trials.

2. Our brother and sisters in Christ are vital to us in hard times.

               Each text I received was a reminder that we were not alone in this, that there were people who cared about us and loved us. I started making a list of the verses that people shared with me, and I was so very grateful for the prayers of others. Scripture itself teaches that the prayers of a righteous man (or woman) avail much. The morning of the biopsy, I received a text from a dear friend who told me that she was crying with me, and that she and her husband were committed to walking this road with us. At that point it still looked like stomach cancer and that road could have indeed been long and hard, but to know that this friend was going to walk this road with me was true friendship and God’s love on display. We also received cards with encouraging words, a care package from a sweet lady in our church, several who offered to help with kids or meals when we needed it, and many who told us they were praying. Friends, this is what the body of Christ should be. It showed me how much I have been lacking in this area in my own life.  I can be so busy with my own responsibilities and tasks that I miss opportunities to show care to others in hard times. Oh, how I want to change in this area!

3. God’s Word comes alive in different ways when we go through hard times.

               The passage I most associate with the early days of Kelly’s diagnosis is Isaiah 43:1-3. Interestingly enough, in my verse memory plan this was the first passage I memorized this year, and this was also the passage that Kelly opened up the worship service with two days before the tumor was found! “Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and the rivers shall not overwhelm you. When you walk through fire, you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” I think this verse was the first thing I said to Kelly through tears after a mostly sleepless night that Tuesday. He responded with the passage he’d been preparing for his upcoming message: “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7). And it’s not that these verses immediately took away the fears or gave us a great sense of peace, but they were something to cling to that we could claim as true, even if we didn’t understand how it would all work out. God had placed both of those passages in our lives at the right time, because He knew we would need them that very week. Also, several women in our church have been memorizing Psalm 34 this year, and two different women memorizing that passage used it to encourage me. Of course I had come across all of these verses before, but you hear and understand them differently in times of hardship.

               Walking this road over the past month has shown me the importance of God’s Sovereignty, fellow believers, and Scripture. Maybe I mostly wrote this Cup of Grace for me, to keep before me the things that God is teaching, but I hope that God would use this somehow in your life as well. And Kelly and I covet your prayers as he goes in early tomorrow morning (June 17) for surgery. We are praying specifically that the doctor is able to remove the entire tumor, that Kelly would be able to keep his spleen, and that his acid reflux would not get worse (as the doctor feels it very likely will). But all of this we must leave in the sovereign hands of our loving, all-wise God. We are also praying that we could bear Christ’s aroma throughout our week in the hospital. Thank you for your love toward us and for your prayers, dear Sisters in Christ.

              

--Amy O'Rear