Only a Spatula

 

Sometimes I get discouraged in my work at the TN Baptist Children’s Homes. I am a case manager for older residents, and sometimes I feel so disconnected from them. They do not want to meet with me or listen to anything I am trying to teach them. (They already know everything. Maybe you can relate?) I feel like giving up. I ask God why He even brought me there to work. God is addressing my questions and complaints in an unexpected way. He is using a chapter on “Self-Existence” in Jen Wilkens’ book, “None Like Him” to correct some of my thinking. It seems that, unintentionally, I have been trying to steal God’s glory by making this ministry about me. I want these young people to, at the least, not hate me, and maybe even like me, but several are hateful, ungrateful, and unteachable. Sometimes they are downright ornery and disrespectful! Don’t they recognize my gifting?!  When the rewards – praise, gratitude, and adoration – don’t come, I get discouraged, and the doubts about my calling begin. I start to think something I deserve is being withheld. When the fruits of my labor do not manifest, I want to quit. 

Another example of my self-reliance is when I see God answer my prayers in amazing ways, and I begin to feel a sense of self-satisfaction. Saying to myself, "I did the work of spiritual warfare" – like I did something special! Even prayer can become about me! Mercy, what I mess I am! 

I find myself trying to do what only God can do. I cannot save a soul or change a heart.

When a chef uses a spatula to bake a lovely cake, we praise the chef, not the spatula. I have forgotten that I am only a spatula – a tool in God’s hands. He can use me if He chooses or select another tool.

It’s free-ing to allow God to be God. If my TBCH kids refuse Him and I have done my limited part, it is not my problem. When they do not recognize my heart for them or hard work on their behalf, that’s okay, because I am only a spatula.

So, to all my fellow spatulas, let God be God, and don’t try to steal His glory!

joyce hague

(image by bulbandkey.com)