Two girls in their early teens sat one afternoon pondering
the future. They decided to chart out their guesses as to where they and their
friends would be in ten years. Of course, as most girls do, they imagined
themselves married with maybe a child or two. Fast-forward ten years, both
girls had by this point graduated from college, were established in the
workforce, and were still single. The chart they had so carefully thought out, lying
among other papers from the past, had not come true. Fast-forward ten more
years, and now one of those girls was married and a stay-at-home mom, while the
other was a single professional business woman. Life does not always go as we
imagine. I know those girls well, because I am one of them.
As I talked to this sweet friend of mine on the phone
yesterday, I was reminded of that chart we wrote so long ago. I’m not sure
where it ended up; I did keep it for a while. I do know that my life is very
different from Janet’s life. I am that stay-at-home mom, while she works in the
business world, climbing the ladder in her job and traveling often overseas on
business trips. So, what happened to those desires? Did I get the good gift,
while she is left waiting for her turn?
Sometimes you hear a message preached that impacts you in
such a way that you never forget it. A
sermon on 1 Corinthians 7 that I heard in my single years (while actually
visiting my friend Janet) did that for me. In the midst of this chapter, in the
context of singleness and marriage, Paul makes this statement, “But each has
his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” Don’t miss that. Both singleness and marriage are gifts. Both are given by God.
Singleness is not often thought of as a gift, but the Bible
teaches us otherwise. The apostle Paul valued his singleness so much, that he
wished everyone were single! We know that God gives good gifts to his children
(Matt. 7:11). If, therefore, He doesn’t grant marriage, at all or for a time,
that is His good gift. My dear friend
Janet is not missing out on God’s blessing or gift; she has a gift, and
currently that is singleness. If God grants marriage in the future, she will
move from one gift into the next. Our singles in the church need to hear this.
Too often we can make them feel as if they are missing out on what life has to
offer, or worse, on God’s best. No, singleness does not seem like a gift for
those who are longing to be married, but like so many other things in
Scripture, we must align our thinking to God’s.
We can encourage singles by valuing them, including them, and not making
marriage seem like the savior of life. Because it isn’t; only Christ is, and He
is the One we do not want them to miss out on!
Verse 17 in I Corinthian 7 states, “Only let each person
lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called
him.” What I heard from that pastor preaching on I Corinthians 7 that day that
revolutionized my approach to my own singleness, was that “whatever gift God
has (momentarily) given you (marriage or singleness), maximize it for His
kingdom”. There are ways that singles can serve the body of Christ that those
of us married cannot. (I Cor. 7: 32-33) My friend Janet counsels women, leads
bible studies with younger girls, holds a focused time for prayer weekly at her
house, sees her demanding job as an opportunity to speak to others about
Christ, and has had some amazing opportunities to do so. I’m not saying that
married women cannot do any of these things, but our time is much more limited
as we are commanded to serve our husband and children well first. There are also
places that singles walk with God in learning to trust Him solely, that married
people often do not. More than those of us who are married, they understand
that Christ really is all they have. My greatest spiritual growth was during a
time of discouragement in my singleness when I fervently sought the Lord. He
met me in sweet ways and led me to discover in His Word that my purpose, joy,
identity, and contentment were all to be found in Him anyways, and not in a
man, and that I wasn’t missing anything, because I had Him. Clinging to God
through the challenges and disappointments that come with singleness and using
one’s time and energy to serve others are two ways that singles can maximize
their gift for the kingdom.
So, to Janet and to all my friends who are single: You are
loved by our Heavenly Father. He is not holding out on you. He knows what He’s
doing and He has good plans for your life. This season is part of His good
plan. It is His gift. We pray with you, if it is your desire, that God would
allow marriage in your future, but in the meantime maximize your singleness for
His kingdom. Walk with God, trust Him, and
cling to Him. Find where He has gifted you and pour it out in service. Don’t waste your singleness. Maximize it.
And to myself and my married friends: Encourage singles with
these truths. Know that you are not on a ‘deeper plane’ because you are
married. Don’t make singles feel like they are missing out or ask when they are
finally going to meet someone, as if that is what they’re lacking to ‘truly’
live. Learn from them. Love them. Invite them into your homes, your committees,
your ministries. And maximize your marriage for the kingdom, as they maximize
their singleness. (And that may be a topic for another day.)
--Amy O'Rear
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