I have been trying to understand the young adults with whom I work at the Baptist children’s homes. They seem to struggle so. It has been a long time since I was a young adult, so I began to think back, back, back…
It was tough! I had so many things going on at the same time. There were so many adult responsibilities/ skills that I had not yet mastered, so everything was a struggle. Many young people would leave home if they could, but most have no money and no skills to earn a livable wage. That was me. I wanted to move out on my own, but who could pay adult bills making $3.50 an hour? That was pitiful money even back then. I concluded that I would need to attend college so I could get a better job. I was burned out on school and really did not want to go to college. I felt I had no choice. I was trapped. Trapped at home, trapped in school, and trapped in low paying jobs with only long-term rewards ahead. Poor me.
In addition to all of this, my father died of cancer, so there were the emotions of all that went with his illness and death. That left my mother and me feeling extremely vulnerable.
I also was trying to figure out social skills and romance. I had an ugly romantic rejection/break up that left me reeling for over a year.
To keep things interesting, I drove a car that was always breaking down and had no heat. That was especially fun since I had a 30-minute drive to school on the interstate, and I would have to pull over periodically and scrape the inside of my windows. That was so cold – and dangerous – in the winter. I was always having to rely on the kindness of strangers, because we did not have cell phones back then.
I did not yet have the adult skills so many of us depend upon to cope with the struggles of life. I did not have self-control related to diet, sleep, and time management. I did not know how to manage what little money I had. I was over committed and struggling to keep up. Most importantly, I had not yet developed the habit of gratitude. I could not see the good in my life. But I was good at whining, complaining, muttering, griping, quibbling – choose your word! I did not realize I should be embracing my college years. There is so much I never learned, because I was trying to just get through it!
I tried to reach out to God, but He was so silent. I had not yet developed spiritual disciplines either, so I was groping in the dark on this one too.
Do you feel depressed just reading all of this? Well, things got better! God heard my desperate pleas for help even though I felt like he was absent. He provided me with a decent job, which led to a reliable vehicle. He even eventually provided me with a wonderful husband – when the time was right. Over time, the other life skills would be mastered, and life felt easier in many ways.
What is the point of telling you this sad, pathetic tale? You likely know a struggling young person. If you do, be a good listener. They likely will figure things out, but right now, they need an encouraging friend or mentor. They do not need a fixer who gives unsolicited advice, but someone to listen and empathize with their situation. They need someone who cares enough to ask questions and draw them out and then follow up on how they are doing. (This is what God is teaching me in my work.) They might be feeling very lonely.
If you are the young person who is struggling, know that God is still present, and He sees your struggle. Know that, with good choices, life will get better. Seek Him to guide you. Go to Him with your needs. Consider working on the skills mentioned above that I was lacking as a young person. Embrace where you are in life right now with a good attitude. Seek a trusted mature adult with whom to talk and listen to their advice.
And for all of us, never stop learning. I am on my way to 60, and I learn new things all the time! When you stop learning, you die!
Merry Christmas to you all!
joyce hague
