A Good Life

        Do you have six friends you could call with an emergency in the middle of the night and they would step up to the plate for you?

        According to Dr. Robert Waldinger, quoted by Ken Budd in a Saturday Evening Post article in the September/October 2024 issue, your answer to this question indicates whether you have a good life now and will predict if you will have a good and happy life as you age.  The article "What Makes a Good Life?" claims "Relationships are vital for us as humans. They are vital for good health, for happiness, for a long and fulfilling life."

        I won't go into the details here, but beginning in 1938 a study followed Harvard grads from affluent backgrounds and young men from some of the poorest and worst neighborhoods in Boston.The study followed these men and their wives and even children through questionnaires, interviews, medical records, and so on.  All of the information was to track their happiness and satisfaction with life.  The conclusion reached:  good relationships make us healthier and happier.  Our relationships--not our career achievements, not our possessions, not our bank accounts--provide satisfaction in life.  "The inner city guys were no less happy than the Harvard guys as they went through their lives," Waldinger says of the study.  In a study asking millennials what their life goals were, more than 80% 0f them wanted to be rich, while 50% wanted to be famous.  But of the 80 year olds in the Harvard study, not a one of them mentioned money.  Their greatest pride was about their relationships-they were a good dad, a good husband.  Their greatest regrets were that they had spent too much time working and not enough time with the people they loved.  

        If relationships are that important, how do we strengthen our friendships and even create new ones?   Ken Budd in this article suggests six friendship builders. 

1. Use the internet the right way, not in mindless scrolling, but in deliberately connecting with old and new friends.
2. Follow your passions.  Do something you care about.  You will find others who share your interests.
3. Reconnect with old friends through a text, an email, or a phone call.
4. Repair damaged relationships.  Remove that stress.
5. Connect with strangers.  Even a momentary connection will build satisfaction in our lives.
6. Cultivate relationships.  "How can we get together more?  How do we stay current with each other's lives?"

        I want to turn now to the greatest book of advice on friendship, the Bible.  When I looked up verses on friendship, I had far more suggested than I could use.  Many were from the book of Proverbs, 

• Proverbs 18:24,  "A man who has friends must himself be friendly."
• Proverbs 17:17, "A friend loves at all times."
• Hebrews 10:24, "Let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works."
• Proverbs 12:26, "The righteous should choose his friends carefully."
• Romans 12:15, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep."
• Philippians, "Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others."

        Scripture is full of advice on how to build relationships (a good place to start a study), but let me end with this one.

        Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, "Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.  For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.  But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.  Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?  And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him.  A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart."

        Let's work to build those relationships!

                                                                            ~~Faith Himes Lamb

                                                                        

A Gospel Welcome

 

I enjoy watching survival shows. I have young children - it feels relatable. When I was watching one of these shows recently, I was struck by such a meaningful gospel moment. I wanted to share it with you.

          In the show Outlast*, the season was coming to an end and there were two teams left surviving in the wilderness of Alaska. Think freezing cold temperatures, surviving on clams and mushrooms and occasional squirrels for weeks on end. Bear country, frost-bite, grueling work, creating your own shelter, etc.

           There was one man, Joey, who had jumped to different teams throughout the show, never remaining faithful to one group, and having this mindset of “I’m playing only for myself.” Even though in order to win, you must remain a part of the team. Because of his sneakiness and betrayal, he wasn’t one of my favorite characters.

           The team he was on during this special scene was called Delta. On Delta was another man, named Joseph (I know, similar names). From the beginning, Joseph introduced himself as a “man of God,” and throughout the show you see him standing out in many areas: clean language, peaceful behavior, praying in front of and with his teammates. He made a stand that he never wanted to destroy or manipulate another team in order to win.

           As the season winds down and the prize is in sight, Joey sneaks off to see if he can join the other team, Bravo. Bravo says no, so Joey tries to sneak back to his original team. This “sneaking” involves crossing a river in a boat and team Delta sees him making the return voyage back to them.

           As expected, many of his current teammates are upset, feeling betrayed, not wanting to let him back in. Joey answers some questions with lies and evades others. And this leads to a one-on-one conversation with Joseph.

           Joey is at a breaking point, feeling guilty, but not wanting to lose. He still doesn’t care about the people on his team. He just wants to get away with this betrayal. So Joseph goes to him and begins asking him some pointed questions. Joey says, “I just want to get to the finish line; I still don’t feel that I’ve betrayed.”

           Quiet, calm Joseph takes it all in - the obvious lies, the nervous behavior and says, “...whatever story he was telling, I kind of didn’t even want to hear it ‘cause I know it’s not the whole truth… And I just asked, God, give me a sign. Give me something. So I just listened and I was being still.”

           Now, let me jump in here and say that I as the audience member thought that was it for Joey. Wise Joseph knows he’s lying. They’re going to vote him out and rightly so! I was caught off guard by what happened next.

           Joseph continues aloud to Joey, “Man, you got your wife and your kids. You know how good of an opportunity you have right now?” In his interview he says, “I’m not gonna lie, I was sad and disappointed, but being a man of God, I was trying not to judge and just give him the benefit of the doubt. Even though I don’t want to, I believe in forgiveness.”

           A few minutes later he continues talking with Joey, “One thing I won’t do is give up. On you, or all the people back at camp… So, Joey, you’ve got it.” You see Joey standing in stunned silence with tears in his eyes as he receives a hug from Joseph. Joey says, “honestly I was expecting something completely different. Joseph comes down, he really kinda leans in and says exactly what I needed to hear, and just asks me to stay…”

           At that moment another teammate who had been listening to that whole conversation, who had been angry and ready to send Joey away, walks down and tells him he’s good, he’s staying, and also offers him a hug. The ripple effect of that grace is seen immediately.

           Joey states, “...There’s a bit of shame, of going over and pitching myself and getting denied. And they just welcomed me back with open arms.”

           What a picture. The gospel in action. It was such a notable moment because it was so counter-cultural. And that counter-cultural welcome is what you and I have received. While I was sitting there rooting for Joey to be sent home, truly I was sitting there with a deceitful, sneaky heart of my own. One that without Christ is unrescuable. But God doesn’t leave me there broken, lost and hopeless. No, He offers the forgiveness that is not earned and the open arms that are full of grace, welcoming me back with the gospel.

           Pastor Kelly O’Rear mentioned this quote from You’re Not Crazy in his message the other day, “The finished work of Christ on the cross is not God’s way of saying to us, ‘You’re free to go now’ but ‘you’re free to come now.’ He’s not sending us off, but inviting us in.” May we know that undeserved but so-freely-given welcome in our own hearts, so that we too can offer it to others without pride, or entitlement. May we look for the opportunity to share that gospel love with someone in our own lives even today.

 

-Sandy Gromacki