WHAT WILL I BE DOING?

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WHAT WILL I BE DOING?

Wednesday, June 27, would have been Mary Lloys Himes’ birthday.  My mother would have been eighty-seven years old.  About this time last year I told my siblings that Mother was not doing well, that I did not think she would be with us by Christmas.  It was not that she had some terrible illness, but just that life was running out.  And, sure enough, on October 4, 2011, about 5:30 p.m., Mom slipped into the presence of her Lord.

           Over thirty years ago Mother’s older sister, Grace Rice MacMullen, was struggling with cancer throughout her whole body.  It was obvious she would not be with us long.  On August 18, 1981, the doctor told Grace that, at maximum, she had only six months to live.  That’s when she wrote a poem entitled “What Will I Be Doing December 18?” exactly six months later.

            If Mom could have known she had less than six months to live last June 27, I don't know what she would have written.  She certainly would not have written poetry; that was not her language.  But I know she would have shared the sentiments.  So, in honor of Mother's birthday, I want to share Grace's poem.

What Will I Be Doing December 18?

Well, that depends.
I'll be praising the Lord for His
glory and goodness--
by faith or by sight.
 If by faith,
as I've been doing,
My praise may be subdued,
alternating with a tear at times.
      If not by faith, ah then!
      With angels and trumpets and
      choirs and instruments
      Indescribable!
 I'll still be loving the Lord--
Maybe blindly, hesitantly,
But full-heartedly,
Trustingly.
     Or else--or else!  I'll be
     loving Him in a burst of Light,
     where shadows are washed away;
     Knowing as I am known--
     with the full-pouring effusion
     that can only at last express
     my stunted, limited, longing love--
     in purest, shimmering light
     and color and substance.
 I shall, that day, talk to God a bit,
As usual, about the things I'm thinking about,
about the people I love, about how the day is going,
about what I need and want.
     --Or yet, or yet__I shall that day
     talk to God!  Himself, in person!
     No dark glass between,
     nor childish me to speak of childish things.
 I shall on that day lie in bed,
Or move about with wheeled chair,
Finding my needs met minute-by-minute
By loving hands and smiling faces;
     Or, indeed, indeed!  I shall be
     Doing handsprings, cartwheels,
     Run a dozen miles!
     Move with God's own planned grace,
          As Eve did;
     Roll down a long grassy field, 
     Jump across a stream.
      I shall observe with undimmed eyes
     And hear with unstopped ears,
     Taste with untainted buds,
     And sniff the fragrances of another world.
 Where shall I be?  Here or there?
How little it matters!
 (Taken from the booklet Pain:  The Gift Nobody Wants by Grace Rice MacMullen, published by The Joyful Woman)

          So, Mom, what are you doing?  Are you jumping from garage roofs, as you loved to do in your youth?  Are you playing tennis with Grace?  Are you catching up with Daddy, catching up on the years when he could no longer communicate?  Are you cuddling those little ones who went home to heaven before you got a chance to mother them?  Are you rocking my little one?  Are you talking with the Savior?  A favorite song was always It Will Be Worth It All, worth it when we see Jesus.  Or maybe you are singing with a heavenly choir.  Whatever you’re doing, you have the best.

          I miss you, Mom.





     

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The Car

My parents raised me to be pretty independent, and I thank the Lord for that right now in my life. It has perhaps enabled me to live these last months with a little more confidence. However, in the area of car buying, I am a loser.  If it’s a pretty color and it’s clean, it’s a good deal to me. So, after recognizing this flaw almost immediately in our marriage, my one and only flaw I might add, Dan took the car buying portion of our marriage and made it his own. And he did it well. He would spend weeks searching and researching for “just the right car” and to date they are still running…two jeeps and a Camry all with mega miles.

However, the Camry, to which Kaylan fondly refers as the “Screaming Metal Death Trap”, has come to the end of its long productive life. Previously owned by her brother, she traded her even older Jeep with him to save gas during her driving bonanza back and forth from college. Almost as soon as he handed her the key the car began to disintegrate before her very eyes. The radio and interior lights died instantly, the handle on the passenger side snapped like a dry twig, forcing her to let her passengers out of the car from the outside. The driver window, once rolled down, took about 10 minutes to power up enough to roll up again , which presented an unwanted romantic opportunity for her at the Goo Goo car wash last week and the too-expensive-to-replace struts caused her car to bounce along the road like a pimped up Cadillac at an urban hip-hop convention. The steering wheel shook almost uncontrollably at a lofty speed of 45 mph and her lack of discernment with a concrete wheel stop in the parking lot of our local Publix left a huge hole in the muffler.  There was no doubt about when she entered our subdivision.

“Mom!” she whined! “I’m humiliated!! My friends won’t ride with me for fear of death!” It was a true statement and I didn’t blame them. But although her humiliation had no affect on me whatsoever, the glaring, disapproving looks of my neighbors did. Thus the new car! Thankfully, I had my father with us to protect me from myself.

There are so many aspects of grieving..some like shadowed tunnels leading through darkness to a light that seems so far away, all filled with levels of fear, lonliness, sadness….but from what I have read, all leading to a “new normal”. Every aspect of our lives will forever be filled with Dan but I didn’t realize how intertwined he was throughout almost every minute of my everyday life, how the small things then were only small because he took care of them. To buy a car for her without him yesterday was huge, and although somewhat painful, it provided a stepping stone to our “new normal”. Every step we take is a step of survival toward living again but without Dan, and although we wish it were not so, it is.

“We’re going to be ok, aren’t we mom?” she asked. “Yes”, I answered, and for the first time since Dan’s death, I felt that it could be true.

She began to cry as she drove away from the car lot….probably from the sheer joy of not having to drive the "beast" ever again but maybe because she, as I had, both just experienced God’s hand of mercy yet again.

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. (Psalms 71:20)

Joy Dilts

The Power of Love

Let's write a story of a tidal wave
We run out of luck
We run out of days
We run out of gas
A hundred miles away
From a station

So go the first few lines of a Patty Griffin song.  Does it sound too familiar? Some days—shoot! some weeks!—nothing seems to go right. But just when things seem completely hopeless, as the singer reminds us, help arrives. She says it this way:

Just before the flood comes
Just before the night falls
Just before the blood runs
Into the valley
Just before my eyes go
Just before we can't go any further
Love throws a line to you and me.

Since “God is love,” according to I John 4:8, it is God who “throws a line” to us when we are at our wit’s end. And he usually uses other people to do so. I kept thinking of this idea on Sunday.  In the morning service we sang that marvelous song, “The Power of Your Love,” that says,

Hold me close,
Let your love surround me.
Bring me near,
Draw me to your side.
And as I wait, I’ll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with you,
Your spirit leads me on,
In the power of your love.

Love is a mighty force, and everyone craves it. When God’s love surrounds us, the result should be that we move to share his love with others. We never know what a kind word, a phone call, or even a smile will do for someone desperate for human connection.  We will never ever regret going the extra mile, lending a hand, and taking time to be there.

Do you remember that old song, “Let the Lower Lights be Burning” by Phillip Bliss?  The last verse says this: “Trim your feeble lamp, my brother: Some poor sailor, tempest tossed, trying now to make the harbor, in the darkness may be lost.”

Will we let God use us to “throw a line” to someone in need? Can we let our lights shine and bring people to God by the power of love? To borrow the words of our President, “Yes, we can!”

“Beloved,” says the apostle John, “let us love one another,” and he tells us how: “in deed and in truth.”

 --Sherry Poff

IN THE ZONE

I'm not a big fan of trivia games, because I like to win, and I don't want to be held responsible for making my teammates losers! But I play, because I'm with my friends. 

I'm not likely to start up a conversation in the mornings until a cup of coffee or two has kicked in. I like my first hours to be quiet for as long as possible. Telling high school students, parents and teachers to leave me alone, however, does not bode well with my bosses. So I talk, answer phones, and make conversation, because I want to represent the school well. 

Crawling into a small crevice in the side of a mountain on my belly in mud for about 15 feet just so I could sit inside a cave was never on my bucket list. But trusting my youth pastor and knowing that I'd miss a once-in-a lifetime opportunity (in front of my high school crush) if I backed out was motivation enough to try something new.

Sleeping...well, trying to sleep...in a hut in the middle of a hot African village, in a dress, on a bamboo mat on a dirt floor, with a blanket on top of me to keep the mosquitoes off, laying shoulder to shoulder in the middle of two sweaty friends leads to prayers like "Lord, please just let me fall asleep so this can be over soon." But I went, and I survived, and I'm glad.

If I'm going to be "in the zone" when it comes to relationships and reaching out to others for the sake of Christ, then sometimes I have to get "outta the zone"-my comfort zone, that is.

So many times our excuses for not participating in an event or not committing to a project are fueled by the preferences and conveniences that exist inside our comfort zones. But if we never get out of the zone, then our zone will never grow. Sometimes we just have to suck it up, do hard things that are not our first choice...and reap the rewards. 

Galatians 6:7-10 says:

⁷ Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. ⁸ Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. ⁹ Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. ¹⁰ Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Let's get out of our comfort zones to get "in the zone" this week! 


~Rebecca Phillips